Oh God

I got bored waiting to go ride today and started going through my favorites. Ended up finding my blog and opened er up. The first thing I said when I saw my first post was... "Oh God" how tacky and lame are my last few posts. I immediately thought I should delete these posts but then at the exact same moment realized that I need to keep them. It's weird how one acts when their ego has been smashed. If anyone reads me they know that I'm not in the least like those last few posts suggest. I don't give a rats ass about being spiritual, emotional, or seeking inner peace. Don't get me wrong.. I want to have fun and enjoy life, but there is a difference between wanting to have fun and being freaky emotional. Oh well nobody reads this anyway so why waste time writing what nobody will read.

Love......

Lately I've been working out A LOT... it's given me plenty of time to think about things.
Today I realized something about love that I've been overlooking lately. I realized that if you try to get someone to love you, you're just failing yourself. If you have to try and get someone to love you you're wasting your time. I feel that by trying to get someone to love you, is like trying to reach some sort of self-gratification. If by chance you do force your love on someone and they accept (love you back), you have gained nothing but your goal of self gratification. I don't feel that life is supposed to be about "me" and what "I" want. I feel that by forcing someone to love me it's like I have reached my goal and now that I have earned their love. I can now feel better about "me." This is not who I want to be.

An Empty Boat

I've been reading a book called "Everyday Zen" by Charlotte Joko Beck. The book has an interesting story to ponder. It goes like this.

Say you're on a lake in your rowboat that you just painted and you're taking it out for the first time. The lake has a little fog on it.. not too much fog but just enough to make visibility difficult. As you're rowing, enjoying your time on the lake suddenly another rowboat comes out of the fog and is headed straight for your boat. Instantly you start screaming to the other boater... "look out.. what are you doing?" Then the boat smashes into your newly painted boat. You are so upset that someone would do this to you and your boat. How on earth would someone be so careless to let this happen. (Just imagine how angry you'd be.) Well this is when you realize that the other rowboat is empty. How do your feelings/anger change? Are you still mad at the other boat. After all it is just an empty boat. I have read the book and understand what the authors point is. I am just wondering what you think and how you'd feel. If you read this story, please don't hesitate to comment. I'd really like to know how you'd react.